The Episode...

So, we had an episode yesterday...

We learned about 3:30 that Olivia had an apnea episode in her sleep that caused her to stop breathing for about a minute. Apparently (I wasn't actually in the NICU with her at the time) she turned blue for a second, they had to give her some oxygen, and now she will have to be monitored for seven more days in the NICU. I will have to leave the hospital Friday without my baby...I don't know how well I am going to do with that.
About the episode: I have been told since that it is not uncommon for a baby to "forget" to breath. That's fine, but I would rather my baby not forget, especially after we get home. I am fighting feelings of inadequacy and facing the many scary questions on this. What if she does this at home in her sleep when I am asleep? What if I don't see her turn blue (which is the most common way to tell)? AGGHHH!!! I am actually rather calm right now; yesterday was NOT a good day. I dealt with lots of depression and just overall sadness. I am starting to feel a bit more comfortable with the situation, although not doing great with it.
Now...about how I found out...
So, I innocently call the NICU yesterday to get a reminder of all of her feeding times; her nurse tells me, and then adds, (not in these exact words) OH BTW, you're baby stopped breathing earlier and will be in the NICU for another seven days. Although these weren't her exact words, this really is a close enough interpretation. I had to drag out details (between sobs) and translate medical jargon. She acted like this was no big deal, and even if it wasn't, it was a HUGE thing to me, and sensitivity here was crucial. However, I felt as though we were ignored on something we should have been informed about, and that when they had the time, then they could squeeze this detail in, then treated like a retard when asking questions. I may have sounded "slow", but it was more to keep from an explosion rather than actual slowness. Michael went down to get details that I couldn't relay, because truthfully all I heard was, "stopped breathing" and "seven days". Needless to say, it wasn't a pretty afternoon.