After the apnea episode on Tuesday, we were bound to what we were originally told was another seven days in the NICU. I was not prepared for this. I spent Wednesday and Thursday mainly in tears. Just the thought of leaving my baby in the hospital was enough send me over the edge every time. Friday was an absolute wash. I couldn't begin to count the number of times I sobbed. On top of all of this, I was bound and determined to breastfeed. However, with an unplanned c-section that produced some complications that landed her in the NICU to begin with, I was not allowed to breastfeed within the first critical hour. Actually, I didn't even get to attempt it until Thursday when the IV in her belly button was removed. They couldn't get it in any other vein, so they had to thread it through her umbilical cord stump, which is apparently very fragile. Because of this, I wasn't even supposed to hold her until it was removed, but some of the kinder nurses agreed to help us hold our baby girl. Meanwhile we learned that if there were no more complications, we would probably get to take her home Monday. Even though this sucked because I still was going to have to leave her, it was at least sooner than the original seven days. We arranged to stay at my parent's house because they live just minutes from the hospital. Coaling is a long drive when you are that far from your baby. Let me insert here...I can't even begin to thank my parents for all they did for us while Olivia and I were in the hospital. From carting me back and forth to buying a couch so we would have some place to sleep, words (heck, even gifts) couldn't cover the thanks required to pay them back for everything. I love you guys SO MUCH!! So, Monday rolled around (the longest weekend of my life!) and we were able to bring her home because there were no further problems. We learned that because of her fast breathing right out of the womb that she probably just got tired from it and chose to pause for a minute. She just forgot to pick it back up again. Lazy kid. Monday afternoon we stayed with my parents until Michael got off work and could come get us and take us home. I was not out of the clear emotionally. I don't quite know what was wrong, I just don't think I was ready to have her on my own yet. What was I supposed to do with her now? She was really cute in the hospital, when someone else was really caring for her full time and I could go in there to feed and change her, but those people don't come home with you. I was scared of her.
However, Monday was a good night - she was setting me up, I think. Mom came to stay with me Tuesday so I could rest some. Tuesday night - not so good. She was gassy and was having a hard time pooping. (Yes, I know, TMI. Whatever. It's baby poop. It's still cute.) We were transferring her over from the formula from the hospital to the kind that doesn't cost $25 a can. My mom and grandmother passed off days on Thursday and Friday just hanging out with me. I never thought I would get so lonely, but I was dealing hard with some depression and anxiety still. I don't think it's full-blown PPD because I am doing pretty good now, but it was painful for those few days. All those hormones trying to get themselves back together, I guess. I have been able to talk it out through family and friends, and I really am doing better. Just ready to get on with life. So far, so good!
Hospital pictures:
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